Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
