just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she smelled like a LAN party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
