Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
