so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
