he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
