Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
