Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
