Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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