I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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