dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
