Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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