i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
