this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
