I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
