Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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