so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
