i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
