Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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