I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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