Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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