I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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