My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
3pm strippers are depressing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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