Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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