I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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