I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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