You just made me feel so damn special
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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