I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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