So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
