You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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