and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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