there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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