do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
