If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
