please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just blew my weed a kiss
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
last night I used snow as a chaser
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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