Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize