I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
