i think my tv is drunk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
