No stitches, just platelets and will power
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
