There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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