Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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