got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
