look no pants
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
