He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
