this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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