Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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