There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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