Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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