I'm really into asian looking animals
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
