dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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