I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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