OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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