if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to stop coming to work sober
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
