Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do vagina's smell?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's official drugs can't kill me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
