I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
