Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
