Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
