you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
