We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
