He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
