I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
