Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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