Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize