im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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