were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Couch. On fire.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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