I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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