Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
