shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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