she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
