: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
