he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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