No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
