Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am one with the molecules
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize