i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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