I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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