I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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