What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
