Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You can't special order awesome
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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