no, he came in my armpit
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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