One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
