Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
