I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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